My Daily Battle with ADHD: A Journey of Struggles, Strengths and Self-Discovery

Living with ADHD can be a challenging life, filled with highs and lows. It can be both a blessing and a curse, depending on how you approach it. For me, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) has been a life long companion, guiding me through chaotic days, teaching me about myself, and challenging me in ways I never expected. Some people call it a superpower, others view it as a burden I’m somewhere in the middle. While there are moments I wish I didn’t have it, I’ve also learned to leverage it in ways that benefit my life.

As awareness about mental health has grown, more people are opening up about their struggles with ADHD. I hear this question often: “Does it bother you that so many people are now being diagnosed with ADHD?” The answer is absolutely NO. Quite the opposite, actually. Mental health is no longer a taboo subject, and people who have been silently struggling for years are now finally getting the help they need. ADHD, as with other mental health conditions, has moved from the shadows into the spotlight, and this increased awareness only means more support for everyone. The more people who talk about it, the more we all benefit from greater understanding and empathy.

But despite this progress, I feel it’s important to remind everyone of something: the last “D” in ADHD stands for Disorder. This isn’t something we chose, nor is it something to be dismissed lightly. Seeking help for ADHD or any mental health condition isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an act of strength. We should all be encouraged and supported, not judged, for taking that step to improve our mental well being.

The Medication Question: A Personal Decision

Another question I often get asked is whether I’m on medication for ADHD. Personally, I’m not, nor have I ever been. That doesn’t mean I’m against it, medication can be life changing for many people. However, I decided to explore different methods of managing my ADHD. For me, that meant trying therapy, reducing sugar and caffeine intake, and making small but significant changes to my lifestyle.

I can’t stress enough that this is a personal decision. What works for one person may not work for another. Medication is a perfectly valid choice for managing ADHD symptoms, and it’s a highly individual decision based on what makes you feel your best. I chose to focus on understanding my ADHD through education and self awareness. My journey led me to research areas of my life that were most impacted by ADHD such as my impulsiveness, emotions, relationships, and professional life.

Now that I’ve touched on the broader questions, let me share my story of how ADHD has shaped my life, and how I’ve learned to manage it.

 My ADHD Journey: From Childhood Chaos to Adult Awareness

As a child, I was always busy, constantly looking for new things to explore, often to my own detriment. My curiosity wasn’t the type that led to academic success; instead, I was always getting into trouble. Whether it was putting a slice of bread into the DVD player (no, it doesn’t turn into toast, in case you’re wondering) or pulling apart my toys just to see how they worked, my mind was always active, always buzzing with new ideas. To outsiders, I was just a naughty kid, always causing disruptions and struggling to focus in school.

School was particularly tough for me. I was that kid who never stopped talking, always had something to say, and never seemed to stay in one place for too long. I’d get into trouble for speaking out of turn or not paying attention. I didn’t hate learning, I hated the structure. I wasn’t made for the traditional school system, and I paid the price for it. By the time I reached my teenage years, my impulsiveness and lack of focus made school even harder.

A Troubled School Experience

By the time I was a teenager, I had developed a strong dislike for education. I vividly remember days when I would go to school, sign in, then sneak out and do my own thing. The rigid system didn’t make sense to me; I couldn’t see the point of sitting in a classroom when my mind was elsewhere. Unsurprisingly, I failed my GCSEs, several times! It wasn’t until I was 29 years old that I finally passed them.

But something unexpected happened when I got to college. Unable to do much with my failed GCSEs, I ended up pursuing a course in construction, training to become an electrician. For the first time in my life, I felt hyper focused on something. There was flexibility in my timetable, and my teacher’s passion for the subject was contagious. I found myself engaged in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I finished the course a month early and became an electrician, staying in the industry for 14 years. I didn’t know it at the time, but that hyper focus, the ability to tunnel in on something for hours at a time, was part of my ADHD.

The ADHD and Career Connection

Alongside my studies, I juggled multiple jobs seven days a week, from early mornings delivering papers to evenings at a bowling alley. While this might seem impressive, the reality was I couldn’t hold down a job for long. My ADHD made it difficult to build healthy relationships, both in my personal life and at work. If something didn’t sit right with me, I’d quit on the spot. I would go into work one day, come home, and tell my family I had quit. A week later, I’d have found another job, only to repeat the same pattern. My impulse driven decisions made it impossible to stick to anything for too long.

Looking back now, I can see how ADHD was influencing these decisions. At the time, I didn’t have the self awareness to understand why I was doing what I was doing. My inability to regulate my emotions meant that I often made decisions in the heat of the moment, only to regret them later. Instead of fixing problems, I would run away from them, leaving me in a cycle of job hopping and strained relationships.

A Late Diagnosis and A New Perspective

It wasn’t until my late twenties that I began to suspect I had ADHD. The turning point came during a family gathering when my brother in law casually remarked, “Vish, I think you have ADHD,” after I had spent the entire evening monopolising the conversation. At first, I took it as a joke. But over the next few months, I started researching ADHD, and I quickly realised I ticked almost every box. I decided to see a specialist and was diagnosed with ADHD. I finally had an explanation for the behaviours that had shaped my life up to that moment. The only criteria I didn’t meet were losing things and forgetting things. Something I attribute to my OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), which made me obsessively organise and write everything down.

Receiving an official diagnosis was a HUGE moment. It brought a wave of emotions, relief, fear and confusion. On the one hand, it was comforting to know that there was a reason behind my struggles. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure what to do with this new information. I felt like I had been handed a puzzle with no instructions on how to put it together.

The Power of Coaching

In my search for answers, I found an ADHD coach. She changed my life. Working with her gave me a new understanding of myself and my condition. We didn’t just talk about how ADHD affected my work or day to day life; we also explored how it shaped my childhood, my relationships, and my sense of identity. One of the most valuable lessons I learned was how to use my ADHD to my advantage, instead of letting it control me.

My coach also helped me navigate the complexities of relationships romantic, family, and professional. I even brought my partner to some of the sessions, which helped strengthen our relationship by building mutual understanding. We learned how ADHD had been impacting our dynamic and how we could work together to overcome those challenges.

The Cons of ADHD: Struggles and Challenges

Of course, living with ADHD isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There are significant challenges that come with it. Some of the biggest struggles I face include:

1. Controlling Emotions: The highs are exhilarating, but the lows can be devastating. It’s hard to explain these emotional shifts, and even harder for others to understand them.
2. Impulsiveness: When I’m fixated on something, nothing can stand in my way. Whether it’s buying something I don’t need or making rash decisions, my impulsiveness often creates more problems than it solves.
3. Hyper focus: While hyper focus can be a strength, it can also be destructive. Imagine working 12-hour days with no breaks, neglecting your basic needs because your mind refuses to disengage from a task.
4. Burnout and Breakdowns: I’ve experienced breakdowns that leave me mentally and physically drained. What’s confusing is that I can sometimes recover within a few hours and get back to work, making it hard to recognise or address burnout.
5. Talking Too Fast: When my thoughts are racing, so does my speech. I’ve been known to talk so quickly that people can’t understand me, which frustrates me because it feels like the world isn’t moving at my speed.
6. Social Isolation: ADHD can make social situations anxiety inducing. Walking into a room of familiar faces can still feel overwhelming, sometimes making me withdraw and isolate myself.
7. Masking: Masking my symptoms to fit into social or professional situations can lead to low self-esteem. Constantly changing who I am to accommodate others is exhausting!
8. Lack of Career Stability: Despite my ability to hyper focus, my professional life has been marked by instability. I’ve been stuck in a cycle of starting projects with enthusiasm, only to abandon them when the excitement wears off.

The Pros of ADHD: Strengths and Superpowers

Despite these challenges, there are some incredible strengths that come with having ADHD. These include:

1. Creativity: ADHD minds are constantly thinking outside the box. I have a natural ability to come up with creative solutions to problems.
2. Resilience: Living with ADHD teaches you how to persevere through adversity. My journey has made me more resilient in the face of life’s challenges.
3. Hyper focus: When I’m passionate about something, I can dive deep into it for hours or even days. This laser like focus can help me accomplish a lot in a short amount of time.
4. Quick Thinking: My brain processes information at speed. This can be an asset when I’m working on complex tasks that require quick decision making.
5. Passion and Energy: When I’m excited about something, my enthusiasm is contagious. I bring energy and passion to everything I do, which can inspire those around me.
6. Empathy: My emotional sensitivity allows me to connect deeply with others. I’m able to understand and share the feelings of those around me, which makes me a supportive friend and partner.
7. Adaptability: My life has been a constant series of changes and challenges, and my ADHD has made me incredibly adaptable. I’m able to pivot and adjust to new circumstances with ease.

Action Points for Managing ADHD

After reflecting on both the pros and cons of ADHD, it’s essential to focus on practical strategies that can help manage its challenges. Below are key action points with a brief description of how each can improve daily life with ADHD:

1. Exercise: Regular physical activity improves focus, mood, and reduces impulsivity.

2. Education: Learn about ADHD to better understand your specific challenges and triggers.

3. Routines and Structures: Consistent routines help create order and reduce daily stress.

4. Limit Distractions: Minimise digital distractions by setting boundaries on social media and creating focus-friendly environments.

5. Sleep: Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep to stabilise mood and improve attention.

6. Mix Up Tasks: Switch between tasks to stay engaged but maintain structure to avoid overwhelm.

7. Seek Support: Work with ADHD coaches or therapists for tailored guidance and strategies.

8. Healthy Diet: Reduce sugars and caffeine, focusing on nutrient dense foods to boost focus and energy.

9. Create Boundaries: Protect your mental and emotional energy by setting limits with draining environments or people.

10. Set Realistic Goals: Break larger tasks into smaller, achievable goals to avoid overwhelm.

11. Find Safe Environments: Arrive early or adjust your seating to reduce distractions in social settings.

12. Talk About It: Openly share your experiences to build understanding and support networks.

Learning to Live with ADHD: Acceptance and Growth

So, where am I now? I’ve learned to accept my ADHD as part of who I am. That doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle, I do. But I’ve learned to navigate life in a way that works for me. I’ve found strategies that help me manage my impulsiveness, emotional swings, and hyper focus. I’ve also learned to surround myself with people who understand and support me, which has made all the difference.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that self-awareness is key. Understanding how my ADHD impacts different aspects of my life has allowed me to make better decisions and take control of my actions. I no longer feel like ADHD is something that happens to me. Instead, it’s something I can work with, something I can manage.

Conclusion: Embracing the ADHD Journey

Living with ADHD is a unique journey, one filled with challenges, frustrations, and triumphs. It’s not easy, but it’s also not impossible. By seeking help, learning about the condition, and finding strategies that work for me, I’ve been able to turn what once felt like a curse into a source of strength.

My hope in sharing my story is that others will feel empowered to seek help and embrace their own ADHD journey. Whether you’re managing ADHD yourself or supporting someone who is, remember that empathy and understanding are key. ADHD may make life more complicated, but it also brings gifts of creativity, passion, and resilience!

I’ve also shared more about my personal journey with ADHD in an upcoming podcast, which will be launched on Wednesday, 25th September 2024. You can find it on YouTube, Spotify Podcasts, and Apple Podcasts by searching for Onward Shift. I dive deeper into living with ADHD and how it has shaped my life.

If you’re seeking ADHD coaches to guide you, Onward Shift offers a range of coaching services. Check out Jill and Victoria in the ADHD section of our panel here.

I hope you gained valuable insights from this blog, and remember—you’re not alone on this journey!